Seating still available in the Larry Craig Pavillion

Plan accordingly:

 

Full schedule below.

Monday 9/1:
Sen. Joe Lieberman, I-Conn. (Quisling)
Vice President Dick Cheney (War criminal, eats babies, shoots friends just to watch them die)

Monday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-Calif. (Groper)
President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush (Drunk/enabler or enabler/drunk. Choose one. Or both.)

 

Tuesday 9/2:
Fmr. Gov. Tom Ridge, R-Pa. (Boring. Will bring color flip charts to liven things up)
Former CA Secretary of State Rosario Marin (Ethnic ...I'm from California, never heard of her)
Fmr. Sen. Fred Thompson, R-Tenn. (Geezer - to speak during early-bird GOP dinner. Menu: creamed corn and... more creamed corn)
Gov. Linda Lingle, R-Hawaii (Exotic Ethnic)
Fmr. Lt. Gov. Michael Steele, R-Md. (Really Ethnic)

Tuesday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Gov. Sarah Palin, R-Alaska (MILF)
Fmr. Gov. Mike Huckabee, R-Ark. (Godsmacked Yokel)
Fmr. Mayor Rudy Giuliani, R-New York City ***KEYNOTER*** (911!911!911!911!911!)

 

Wednesday 9/3:
Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn.(Sent wife to California  to be an "actress" so he could stay home and  boink other women)
Meg Whitman, Ebay CEO (Beanie baby entrepreneur enabler)
Carly Fiorina, former HP CEO (HP EPIC FAIL)
Fmr. Gov. Mitt Romney, R-Mass. (Magic Underwear Cultist)

Wednesday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Cindy McCain (Tweaker. Probably the person who stole your car stereo in the early nineties)
Vice Presidential nominee (TBA. If they keep 91 year-old John McCain in the wings too long, could be the default nominee)
Gov. Bobby Jindal, R-La., will speak after the VP nominee (Ethnic/exorcist/nine years old)

 

Thursday 9/4:
Gov. Tim Pawlenty, R-Minn. (Really  really non-ethnic. Makes Casper the Friendly Ghost look like Seal)
Gov. Charlie Crist, R-Fla. (Gay)
  Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kansas (Crazy. Dyes his hair, so... gay)
Sen. Mel Martinez, R-Fla (Not Mexican but still muy Ethnic)

Thursday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Sen. John McCain (video before his speech) - (If he is still awake. Otherwise run The Deerhunter  as true life biographical film as he remembers it from when he was A PRISONER OF WAR)

After party until 11:18 unless candidate falls asleep.

After after party: Orgy at Norm Coleman's. BYOKY.

 

 http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2008/08/20/your-speakers-guide-to-the-republican-convention/

 

***I was cracking up by the time he reached the second day. What say you?

 

(btw, more of his unique humor at the website. Check it out).